07.28.09
Email 19, Date 6: For real this time, I shouldn’t date an engineer
Even though I had completely given up on dating in a fit of extreme frustration, I kept my OKCupid profile up. I didn’t check it, I didn’t even get on the site, but I figured, if someone saw it and felt inspired to email me….
N. apparently did, and he responded to my “The most private thing I’m willing to admit here” section of my profile: I have a deep, abiding affection for classic country and honky-tonk (Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, George Strait) — but I don’t expect you to share my love of music that relies so heavily on tortured metaphors, melodramatic vocals, and awesomely twangy guitars.
Date: 7/14/09
Subject: HiyaWell, it’s the usual story, I guess: your “profile photo” caught my eye, your other photos held my attention pretty strongly, and what you wrote about yourself sounds great, too (yeah, I do eventually get beyond the pictures). I’m definitely a collection of opposites, too, esp., now that I think about it, the ones you mention. I like your style and attitude, too, *and* you’re pretty damn cute!
For what it’s worth, amongst my music choices I’ve got a decent little collection of country music. I’ve got, in alphabetical order: The Carter Family, J.Cash, P.Cline, S.Earle, Lyman Enloe, Wanda Jackson [sort of counts?], Little Feat [ditto], L.Skynyrd [ditto again], T.Wynett, as well as stuff like Lucinda Williams, John Prine, Pete Droge,…. I say “hurray” for tortured metaphors! (Just not all-day/everyday, like anything else…)
So here I am. I’m intrigued — write back if you are, too.
I was intrigued. I had seen his profile before. I may have even emailed him before. In one of his photos he was really hot: slightly chiseled features, eyes that sparkled with life, and attractively nerdy glasses. In his two other photos he was… Well, he looked 47. His age was the only reason I could think of that I hadn’t emailed him. But at 47, he’s young for the guys who are drawn to me online. So I, with absolutely nothing to lose, wrote a ridiculous email back, riffing on the following items:
- He wrote me on Bastille Day.
- He included a link to a Belgian website in his profile.
- Belgians and French have a rivalry.
- He admitted in his profile that he doesn’t want to date people who live outside of SF.
- I genuinely admired his honesty about that, while admitting that admitting to that made me feel shallow.
- He described himself as quirky and brainy in his profile.
In his next email, he suggested we meet for a drink. In mine, I admitted that my only night free was about five days later (tonight). We made plans, exchanged a few more emails, and met up.
One could describe my attitude toward this date as pessimistic but open. One could also describe it as petulantly reluctant. In reality, it started off as the latter, then when I realized it would be cowardly to cancel, it became the former.
We didn’t click. At all. But when he said that he was an engineer, that clicked.
I have nothing against engineers–two of my bros (who I love dearly) work as software engineers–but I can’t date people who are engineers. My dad was an engineer. Two of my ex-boyfriends were engineers–no, actually, three. It’s a way of thinking, of viewing the world as problems with single, definite solutions, that does not work well with my world-view that things are complex, that there are usually multiple good solutions, that not everything needs to be fixed. And perhaps most importantly, that I am not a problem that needs to be “fixed.”
As I observed how N. took in information and processed it through an engineering mindset, I kept thinking, “This is excruciating.”
To be fair, the conversation was not anywhere near excruciating. He was a really nice guy who had done a lot of really interesting things in his life. What is excruciating is that I know that I can’t be with an engineer. I’ve learned that lesson. And yet I keep attracting them. And in times like this, when I am in desperate need of an ego boost, I entertain the thought of dating them.
So the next phase in 100 Emails, 20 Dates will be identifying things like this: patterns that have gotten me to where I am today–36 and single with zero prospects. The next phase will be fixing those problems. Expect many bumps in the road.
05.31.09
Email 18.1, Date 5: He’s probably not that into me
After posting about the guy who seemed happy to keep our online conversation strictly online, I worked up the nerve to see if his schedule had opened up. He responded, asking me about some things I had mentioned in my last email. He also said that he’d be in touch on Wednesday to let me know when he was free.
Ball’s in his court, I thought. If he doesn’t email me, then fine, he’s clearly just not that into me. Wednesday night, I logged on to OKCupid — no email. So I checked out his profile, wondering if I was really that into him.
He was online.
Now, on Match or whatever, it doesn’t matter. You could completely stalk someone, and they wouldn’t really know. But OKCupid pops up a little note: “[username] just checked out your profile.” Caught in the act. I panicked, hastily closed the window as if that made a difference, and felt somewhat foolish.
The next day, I had an email from him. We made plans to meet for lunch, joked around a bit, and sent longer, more frequent emails to each other over the course of the next couple of days. At one point, he wrote, “You are a fantastic writer!” (He mentioned in his profile how words are important to him.)
We met for lunch, and it was immediately comfortable talking to him, though the conversation still had some of the first-meeting nervousness. He makes great eye contact. We dove right into a fascinating discussion on print and online media, ordered tacos, and talked some more. The conversation did peter out a bit, but my “I can only do an hour” lunch turned into about an hour and a half. I walked back with him to BART, and he gave me a nice hug goodbye, saying, “I had a great time. I’d love to come see your band sometime.”
That, friends, is the kiss of death. If he was interested in me, he probably would have said, “Let’s do this again,” or something. It’s sort of the musician’s equivalent of hearing, “I’ll call you” — an implied continuation of the relationship without any plan to actually follow through. Wanting to be one of 50 or so people in an audience when I’m onstage at a gig that is likely to be weeks away felt like a romantic brush-off. But who knows? He does like music.
I sent him an email before I headed out of town for Memorial Day weekend reiterating that I had a fun time. We’ve exchanged a few emails since, but I don’t really get the feeling that he’s that into me. He seems like a nice guy, though.
And for those who think I’m prejudiced against short guys, he’s 5′8″ and I would definitely meet up with him again. So there. :)
04.19.09
Email 17, Date 4: Too much in common
Every day, OKCupid puts three guys in your Quiver. (Get it? Cupid? Bow and arrow? It’s like they’re arrows that you’re going to…shoot at your own heart? The metaphor falls apart a bit there.) You check out their profile and photos and you can either write to them or say, “No, thanks.” (And the OKCupid algorithm notes who you pass on and who you email to find you better matches in the future.)
I almost always find someone in my Quiver who’s attractive and interesting. Reading S.’s profile, I wondered if the algorithm had created someone for me. Some highlights:
- He likes music that’s poppy and twangish
- He likes talking politics and describes himself as a moderate who votes Democrat
- He loves Scrabble
- His favorite Beatle is Paul and favorite Monkee is Mickey
- He listens to Benny Goodman, Big Star, Crowded House, and all sorts of other bands I thought I only listened to
- HOWEVER, he was anti-serial comma. (For non-editors, the serial comma is the comma that comes before the “and” in a series of three or more items. Ex. peanut butter, bread, and jelly. Editors divide into two camps on the issue. Serious stuff.)
How could I not email him?
Date: 02/28/2009
Subject: I think we agree on everything but serial commas
Hey!
How can someone like all the goofy things that I do — Scrabble, NYT crossword, twangy music, even Big Star and Benny Goodman — and yet be averse to something that I hold so dear: the serial comma. (I have “pro-serial comma” as my religious affiliation in my Facebook profile.)
Actually, I don’t know if that’s a rhetorical question. How is that possible? The serial comma is at worst, harmless, and at best, helpful. My theory is that lawyers decided to abolish it so when they had their law firms’ signs made, they would be one character cheaper.
He wrote back.
Date: 03/01/2009
Subject: I think we agree on everything but serial commasHey! My disdain for the serial comma started with the AP Stylebook and was encouraged by Vampire Weekend. Blame them. But some of my best friends (Strunk, White) are fans, and secretly I’m pleased if anyone cares enough about commas to have an opinion one way or another. (The only grammar thing that really, truly makes me blow my stack is when people stick apostrophe’s in plural’s for no reason. That makes me crazy.) Anyway, I don’t think the comma thing should be an insurmountable obstacle.
We do seem to have an awful lot of things in common. I actually think I’ve seen you around — perhaps in the Friends & Family area at Hardly Strictly?
I see Rhett Miller is playing at Yoshi’s-SF soon. You going? If so, let me know and we can shake and howdy, as they say in the biz.
Gotta run. I’m supposed to play tennis with a friend at noon. Let’s hope the rain holds off for a while. Thanks for writing! Ball’s in your court now.
It turns out we both lived in Boston, both worked in publishing (he in newspapers, me in magazines and online), both covered music (we even knew a lot of the same publicists), both played mandolin in bluegrass bands (he only briefly). Weird.
He lives about 45 minutes south of me, so we split the distance when we met for coffee. The day we met up, I had a horrible attitude. Frustrated with Match and my resume date, which was the day before, I barely put on makeup, left a bit late, and grumbled to myself the entire half hour drive down.
But I had a great time. We had so much in common, and he was really nice to chat with. Newspaper people can be great to make small talk with. They put their interviewing skills to good use. After coffee, we walked around town a bit before hugging goodbye and pledging to hang out again.
Over the next week or so, we kept up a really nice email correspondence, then he invited me to see Throw Down Your Heart, the documentary about Bela Fleck’s trip to Africa. We met up for dinner and went to see the late-ish movie.
Dinner was fun, and we had a great conversation. He asked me some really interesting questions (like, “Have you ever been married?” No. “Ever get close?”), and it was fun to actually talk about those things that you wonder about when you’re getting to know someone who you might want to date.
Also, in the interest of full disclosure: I was super tired, so I may not have been as open or engaged as I could have been.
At the end of the night, I still wasn’t feeling sparks. I really liked him, but I wanted him to be my friend, not my boyfriend. We were kind of too similar. Music and writing were both of our things. I know it sounds strange, but I like it when music is my thing and when the guy I’m dating has something else for his thing. I like being with someone who expands my horizons rather than consolidating them.
So I cowgirled up and emailed him (I maybe should have done it over the phone, but all our correspondence had been through email and text, so why break the pattern?). Among other friendly chattiness about music and concerts, I wrote:
I’m really enjoying hanging out with you, but I have to be honest and say that I see much more friend potential than romantic potential. I would really like to continue being friends and go see some shows together. But we did meet through a dating site, after all, so I absolutely understand if you’re focused on finding someone to date right now and want to spend your energy on that.
I wanted to give him an out in case he didn’t want to be friends. He wrote back, among other chattiness:
Friendship sounds nice. (Although that “much” was a bit harsh!) Thanks for being so honest and straighforward. I’ll be sure to let you know when I have a +1 for a show down your way that I think you’d enjoy.
I totally didn’t mean the “much”! (I wrote him back to tell him that and that I was glad he called me on it so I could clear that up!) That’s what I get for hanging out with a fellow editor.
04.07.09
Email 14.1: Trust Your Instincts
I sensed that this guy was a little, um, high-maintenance from his overuse of ;o) smiley faces, the tone of his emails, and the frequency of his emails. Well, the story didn’t end there. He sent me a follow-up email.
Subject: Hmmmm
Date: 3/14/09You still around?
:O)
I didn’t respond. I got another.
Subject: Hmmmm
Date: 4/1/09So correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we have SOME kind of dialogue started? Was kinda hoping to continue it, myself… And you?! :o)
Hope you’re doing well…
In fact, I wasn’t hoping to continue it. That’s why I didn’t respond. I know I’m going to sound like a hypocrite (hear me out), but I disagree with his characterization of our email exchange as a “dialogue.” This is the blessing and the curse of online dating: someone can stop communicating as soon as they’re not interested. Sure, I wish more guys on Match would write me back, but they don’t because they don’t consider me a good fit. No harm, no foul. Done. Next. But you can’t take these individual rejections, for lack of a better word, personally. And you shouldn’t be a glutton for punishment.
I wrote him back.
Subject: Hmmmm
Date: 4/1/09Hi, [his name]–
You seem like a really nice guy and have a lot of good things going on in your life. The more I thought about it, it just didn’t feel like you and I would be a good fit.
Good luck in your search!
Take care,
[My name]
Nothing really to say after that, right? Wrong.
Subject: Hmmmm
Date: 4/1/09Well, I have to admit that I AM a little disappointed, but I DO understand… And yeah, I am SO beyond the “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole” phase of my life… Been there, done that.
Best of luck to you as well…
Take care,
[His name]
I’m glad I trusted my instincts here and didn’t pursue even another email with this guy. He seems nice, however, if we met up even for coffee, I would regret it about five minutes into it. Plus, I suspect he’d be hard to shake after a break-up.
04.06.09
My new favorite dating site: Crazy Blind Date
I had a bit of a dating-related freak-out a week or so ago. I was spending so much time at my computer, looking at profiles, sending emails, checking my email, and it all felt like such wasted effort. At the same time, I felt trapped in my house, that life was kind of passing me by. I’ve never been the kind of person who waits until she has a boyfriend to do X, yet suddenly I felt like my entire life was on hold until this search was over. But how was I going to find someone when nothing I was doing was getting me anywhere.
So I thought, I should go gonzo. Sonia suggested speed dating (I’m still looking into that), and my friend K. emailed me with two brilliant ideas.
- Quiz dates. Team pub trivia for singles.
- Crazy Blind Date. Spontaneous blind-dating.
K. totally took the lead on the Crazy Blind Date. She signed up, went on a date with someone the next night, and had a great time. She said there wasn’t really a love connection, but they both said they’d like to hang out again.
So inspired by her speedy action (and speedy results), I signed up. I filled out the basic information (it’s really minimal), listed what days I was free, what neighborhoods I could meet someone, and how much notice I needed before. I listed four times I was free and got fixed up on two dates.
About a day before the first one, I got an email from CBD saying that they found me a date. I was supposed to meet L., 32, at a particular time and a particular neighborhood. I got to choose the place from a list. They also gave me a few details about him such as “Things I’m good at talking about” and “What I expect of a date.” In other words, really just the bare minimum you need to start talking to someone. Except–no picture. You see a highly pixellated picture, and you can see how they finish this sentence “You’ll know me because I look like…”
A half hour before the date, CBD sends you a text to let you know that they’ve opened up a relay between you and your date, so you can text each other through CBD without revealing your phone number. It’s perfect for “I’m wearing a red shirt and jeans” or “I’m sitting at the bar, green pants.”
Then I got there. I quickly found L. and ordered myself a beer, then we grabbed a table. I was amazed at how easy it was to have a real conversation. The job stuff came up, of course, but since you know so little about the person, you just dive right into really talking. It was really, really fun.
L. and I got along great, although I don’t know that there were any sparks (he did have a rad Scottish accent and, as faithful 100E/20D readers know, I have a thing for voices), but we talked about hanging out after he gets back from a work trip (coincidentally, to this Swedish town I have been dying to visit).
After the date, you fill out a brief feedback form: Did the person show up, how would you rate their attractiveness, how would you rate them as a date, etc. Through that, you can also send them a message and allow (or not) CBD to give them your phone number and email address.
I also went on a CBD on Sunday with J., who coincidentally went on a date with K. on Saturday. She’s been on four CBDs so far, and has had really good, fun experiences with all but one. (They ask you to stay at least 20 minutes. She couldn’t get out of the conversation, so she ended up staying for an hour before she was able to make her exit.)
Here’s what I love about it:
- There are zero expectations, so you can let the conversation be what it is.
- It gets me out of my house and meeting people right away.
- I get to try new bars.
- It’s by the same people as OKCupid, and it’s got that same “Dating is fun! Meeting people is fun!” attitude. I love that. It should be fun.
I just canceled my Match subscription, and I think that, for now at least, I’m going to focus on OKCupid and Crazy Blind Date for online dating.
The only question is, what do I call these in my accounting? It doesn’t seem right to count them as dates.
03.24.09
Email 13: Life observations
One of the reasons I really love Twitter is that I can share the little daily observations I make with my friends–all those things that make you want to turn to the person next to you and say, “Did you see that?” Like the black Lab in my neighborhood one time holding a stuffed mallard duck in his mouth, as if he had just retrieved it from a hunt.
This guy’s profile started off with several sweet observations that he’d made recently. He said he was attuned to people and their interactions. He’s also a cyclist and likes hosting game nights. Win! I emailed him a couple of weeks ago, in one of my “I’m going to email one guy every day” phases.
Hi–
I love those moments when you feel like you deeply observe what’s going on around you. I remember one time, when I lived in Portland (in a poor neighborhood) seeing a woman get on the bus with her barely-toddler son. The way they interacted reminded me of the Madonna and child — a living pieta. Those moments can really stay with you.
I’m fascinated about your job. Tell me more! After I did a triathlon in 2004 (I’ve switched to the occasional half-marathon since then), I got really into cycling, then the Tour de France, then the physiology of Lance Armstrong (my theory is that he’s clean but superhuman) and how someone’s body type sets them up for success or failure in a sport. Maybe it’s just me projecting — it wasn’t until I realized I had bad depth perception and just focused on running, etc., that I realized I could be an athlete. It was such a turning point for me.
So what board games do you play? Game nights are the best.
Nada.
Next!
03.09.09
Email 12, Date 3: The “resume date”
For some reason, the only people I get matched up with on Match are in their 40s. So when J. (45, musician, blah blah) emailed me, I thought, “What the heck? Maybe I should be open to guys 10 years older than me.”
Date: March 1
Subj: Musicians are the best…I enjoyed reading your profile. I think we have at least one very special thing in common, which is hard to find in a mate, music. I have a business career, but still make music a big part of my life. I’ve been playing in bands for a very long time, and still do.
Please have a look at my profile, and if you think we should learn more about each other, let me know. I’d love to come and see your band some time.
Happy Sunday.
I have a (minor) quibble with the “we have one special thing in common which is hard to find in a mate” thing. My friend R. and I were just talking about this on Sunday. She said, “I don’t think everyone loves traveling the way that I love traveling.” I said, “It’s the same with music.” Everyone on Match is into traveling, hiking, music, and trying new restaurants. (Our friend Annie had a friend who didn’t like traveling or hiking, and she quit it because she couldn’t find anyone.) It’s not that special.
Anyway, I wrote back.
Date: March 4
Subj: Re: Musicians are the best…Oh, I bet you say that to all the musicians.
It’s so great to have that balance that you mentioned. I worked for a while (six years, actually) at a guitar magazine. It was my absolute dream job when I started — and again when I got to head up the relaunch of our magazine for beginning players — but after six years, music felt like work. Thankfully, a new job, playing some different styles of music, and a little bit of time helped me find my love for playing again.
So what kind of music do you play? What’s your favorite thing to do in the Virgin Islands? (I’ve never been.)
His response:
Date: March 4
Subj: Musicians are the best…I have a friend that works at a guitar magazine. His name is [redacted]. Maybe you know him?
I play a few styles of music, but mainly rock, classic rock, funk, pop, r&b, country, blues, a bit of swing. Been in many bands, done a lot of road work with national acts. What about you, what kinds of music do you play?
Favorite thing in the Virgin Islands is BEING THERE. Nothing like it. Most beautiful place on earth. But, to be more specific, I have chartered sailboats down there many times, and also done a lot of diving, snorkeling, and hiking. And eating and drinking, of course. :)
Want to talk on the phone? See if we hit it off? You can reach me at [redacted]. If you’d rather keep writing, write away.
Good night.
I told him I’m terrible over the phone (I am), but that I’d be happy to meet him for coffee. We made plans for Saturday afternoon, and I started to pick up a little type-A vibe as we settled on a place.
Saturday afternoon came, and I really didn’t want to go. I don’t want to date someone 10 years older. My dad is 10 years older than my mom. I don’t want that. I was totally dragging my heels, but I thought that, at the least, it would be good practice.
I was running late, but Muni arrived in perfect time, and I got off the train — two blocks away from where we were meeting — at 1:53. Perfect! As I’m walking up, my cell starts ringing. It’s J., wondering where I am. I know that people’s clocks can be set differently, but come on! Give a girl a five-minute grace period before you call.
The place was packed, so we went to a nearby cafe and sat at a sunny spot near the window. The sun was shining in my eyes, which I didn’t entirely mind, but I had that squinty, half-smile, sun-is-directly-in-my-face expression.
We didn’t really have anything in common (except that we both play two different instruments in very different styles), but he proceeded to launch into what I like to call “the resume date.” He listed off his work accomplishments, his musical accomplishments, the places he’s been on vacation. How he doesn’t just do one or two dives and then drink beers on the deck (which, quite frankly, sounds awesome to me). Oh no. He does four or five dives every day, and when the sun goes down, he goes on night dives. And when they’re tired of diving, they go on serious hikes, “I mean, serious hikes. Not this walk in the park shit.” (He apologized the first two times he said “shit,” then gave himself free rein.)
He asked me two questions about myself.
I know, from reading Men Are From Mars, that guys will go on doing that, thinking that it’s making you happy, unless you give them a clear cue that it’s not. I had that damn squinty smiley expression on my face, so I was giving him a clear — and totally wrong — clue. And I just wasn’t interested enough to interrupt.
Perfectly nice guy, but not at all the right fit for me.
Lessons learned:
- “Music” is not really something in common
- Trust my instincts a bit more: I need to give people a chance, but I also need to listen to my gut. I know what doesn’t work, so I should rule those people out.
- It can be strangely difficult to get away from an afternoon date.
- 43 is my new cut-off age.
03.02.09
Email #11: The Uncle Tupelo divide — Jeff Tweedy or Jay Farrar?
One thing I really like about OKCupid is their QuickMatch. It lets you review someone’s profile and rate them (on a scale of 1 to 5) according to looks and personality. If you both rate each other a 4 or 5, then OKCupid sends you an email to introduce you. And you can review as many profiles through QuickMarch as you want.
If someone rates you as a 4 or a 5, you’ll get an email saying, “Log on quick! One of the first people in your QuickMatch will be the person who liked you.” (I’m paraphrasing.) It’s fun and flattering.
That’s how I met A. After we found out that we matched each other, he sent me this email:
Hello just thought I would say hello. So you like the Old 97s. I thought I was the only one that knew who they were. I only have one of there cd’s but I loved it. I see you like wilco also did you ever listen to uncle tupelo?
I LOVE the Old 97s. Plus he’s getting his MFA. Interesting! I wrote back.
The Old 97s is the best band that not enough people have heard of. I could never figure out why they weren’t huge.
I did listen to Uncle Tupelo a bit — I have Anodyne somewhere and I think I had another one of their CDs at one point. Do you fall on the Jeff Tweedy side or the Jay Farrar side?
What’s the focus of your MFA?
He wrote back:
I am a Jay Farrar man myself. I tried to listen to Wilco for a little bit but I could not get in to them. I don’t know why maybe I was just listening to a bad album.
My focus is computer modeling for my MFA. I would like to be the guy that builds the models the animators use. I am very interested in figurative work but I will do what ever buts me to work.
So it seems that you like coffee on you profile. Would you like to meet up for some coffee to chat? I am down to the city a lot now that school is back in.
Well I have to run. I hope you had a good weekend. I spent it avoiding all the couples lol.
Um, the typos were kind of turning me off. It’s an occupational hazard. I can tolerate some typos, and I know he’s an art person not a word person, but…
Plus, he likes Jay Farrar. I kind of hate Jay Farrar. I had a huge argument with my friend Rob (who, after getting his masters, became “Robert”) one time about Jeff Tweedy versus Jay Farrar. He thought Tweedy was a hack who couldn’t sing, period, and was completely emotionless in his delivery of a song. I thought the same about Jay Farrar. Rob(ert) went his way, a devout Son Volt fan, and I went mine, equally devoted to Wilco.
I used that story to sort of smoke A. out on how deep his feelings were on the whole thing.
Haha. I feel the same way about Son Volt. I just couldn’t get into them. A friend of mine and I once had an argument over who had more emotion in his voice: Jay Farrar or Jeff Tweedy. So silly.
Wilco can definitely get weird. I started listening to them chronologically, so I was gradually exposed to the weirdness.
Meeting up for coffee sounds great. [Discussed date and location]
I actually didn’t think the conversation was silly. I get kind of passionate about music.
Actually I am not a big fan of Son Volt I like Jay Farrar solo stuff so much better. I actually stumbled upon a band called Lucero yesterday. I liked them so much that I downloaded them last night when I got home. I can’t believe that I still get that excited when I hear music I like. I think music is the only thing that gets me that excited. I don’t know much about it when it comes to playing but I love to talk about band and stuff I like.
I could meet up Wednesday. [Discussion of a place to meet.] I know there is a Starbucks there but I am not sure if you are one of those anti Starbucks people. I think they killed the good local coffee shops but they seem to be everywhere so I just kind of go with the flow.
I kind of am an anti-Starbucks person. He seemed nice, but I had lost interest. I didn’t write back.
03.01.09
Email #10: Dissing “The Tipping Point”
When someone sounds interesting, but you don’t, in fact, have anything in common, how do you respond? In this case, I commented on the book this guy was reading.
Hi–
How are you liking “The Tipping Point”? I went through a big popular nonfiction reading spell a year or so ago and absolutely devoured “Blink,” but I couldn’t quite get into “The Tipping Point.” Although, to be fair to the book, I had hear some publishing world gossip about Malcolm Gladwell as I was reading it and it may have tarnished my opinion of him. I’ve since gotten really into Mary Roach’s books, which are hilarious and geeky all at the same time.
Take care
Posting my unanswered emails is actually helpful to me. Doy, of course he didn’t write back. I dissed his book. As Bob Sutton says, “Failure sucks but instructs.”
P.S. The gossip was good. But he didn’t bite. I don’t know if I could be with a guy who was gossip-averse. I don’t really care about Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie at the Oscars, etc., but I do like to dish now and again.
02.28.09
Email #6: The hot photographer
I need to step up my whole involvement in this Match thing if I want it to pay off (literally and figuratively). So I decided to stop winking at people and start emailing.
This guy was hot. Let’s be honest. Great, endearingly toothy smile, tousled hair, 5′11″ (perfect height). Although, now that I reread his profile, he’s probably looking for someone more outdoorsy than me. Still, this is what I found appealing about him:
- He sounds way into his hobbies: hiking, travel (yes, that’s a hobby), slacklining (he defined it, thankfully)
- He believes in love at first sight. (I don’t know that I trust love at first sight anymore, but you have to love a guy who’s a romantic.)
- He had a great, laid-back, casual tone to his writing that made me think that he’d be laid-back.
- His photographs were amazing. Really and truly amazing.
Here’s what I wrote him:
I have to say, I liked the headline of your profile, but your photos really drew me in. Such great lighting! I love the drama in them. Photography is something I’ve always wanted to be better at, but there are so many other things to try first. The best I’ve ever done is capturing a trickle of rain runoff on Ayer’s Rock (Uluru) in Australia, as the sun was coming up. Even though I managed to get the tiniest spot of chap stick on the lens, it’s still one of my favorite pictures.
Anyway, you seemed really intriguing. I like intriguing people. Would you be up for coffee sometime?
Nicole
No response. That’s cool. That’s what this whole experiment is about, right?
