When I read that a woman needs to make eye contact with a guy 13 times before he’ll approach her, I had a dating epiphany. Though, like most of my dating epiphanies, it takes a long time for me to go from realization to implementation.

A couple of months ago, after my band played a show, I noticed a guy checking me out. I initially had to congratulate myself on recognizing that he was doing that. (My general obliviousness is my biggest dating obstacle.) But then I thought, “Wait a second! I can, with my actions, actually encourage him to come talk to me!” So I made eye contact. Twice. The second time, it was like I had sent out a homing beacon. The guy came right over. Nice!

We chatted for a bit about various things (nothing particularly memorable two months later). I don’t know how old he was, but he had the awkwardness of a guy in his mid-20s, complete with goofy nervous laugh punctuating comments that weren’t really funny. It’s OK, though. He might have been nervous and I was nervous, and he was nice and I was nice, and it was a pleasant conversation. No sparks, though. He said he’d come see another show I was playing that Saturday, he asked if I wanted to hang out before then, I said I couldn’t before but I could after. He seemed disappointed and asked for my number, which I’m sure was his way of making a graceful exit, and I was fine with that. I think we each realized, after talking to each other for about 5 minutes, that nothing was going to happen.

But the end goal wasn’t the point. The point, for me, was that I made eye contact with a boy! Yes, this is stuff I should have figured out in high school, but for some reason I haven’t. Baby steps.