A few weeks ago, I got a great email on OKCupid:

Date: 4/6/09
Subject: A million things

That’s what I thought of after reading your profile. Seriously. And i don’t usually say that. It was really fun to go from category to category and enjoy each one. Here are a few of the ones we had in common:

dog person
good napper
couch curler
head/hair masseuse
sarcastic
warm-hearted (handed too, but that can come in.. er, well, handy)
cocktail connoisseur
Wilco, Welch, and Iron and Wine
coffee
group dynamics
Mr. Cash

Anyway, I know compatibility means more than matching lists, but I did enjoy seeing so much in common. Plus, as a lawyer, I can cover you if you happen to deviate from your law-abiding ways. :)

I was more excited about this than anyone else who’s emailed me so far. He sounds smart, interesting, and quirky — three key traits. His profile was great: engagingly written without feeling at all forced. He likes dive bars, knows where to find good deli sandwiches in the Bay Area (this is an enviable skill), and enjoys mini-golf and cupcakes from a bakery in my part of town. In the last section of the profile, the “You Should Message Me If” part, he wrote: “You’ve traveled back in time with an important message from my future self, stock tips, or the key to saving humanity from forthcoming zombie/robot/alien invasion. Or you’d just like to have coffee sometime.” Funny.

Unfortunately, two factors converged in the days after he sent me this really nice email: the weather was AMAZING here (a rare occurrence) and I was sick of online dating. I wrote back to him about a week later.

Date: 4/12/09 11:23 AM
Subject: A million things

Hi, J.–

So sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. I haven’t been able to stand staying inside on the computer when the weather has been this nice (right now, I’m eying the shaft of sunlight that is just creeping into my backyard. When there’s a bit more, I’m dashing outside to practice mando in the sun. Such a fun way to spend a Sunday.)

We should really just meet up. I’d been thinking that as I read through your profile (thanks for reminding me about [a local bakery's] cupcakes — I still prefer Miette’s chocolate with coffee buttercream icing, but [the local bakery] is far more convenient). But then I got to the [REDACTED] part: I think redaction jokes are strangely funny. Few people agree with me.

Although, I do have to clear one thing up, I’m a terrible napper. I’d just hate for things to start off with a misunderstanding.

Talk soon?

I made one mistake: I didn’t really ask him about himself. But I felt so strongly that we should just get together for coffee, and I didn’t want to drag out the email conversation. I wanted to get to know him in person.

Date: 4/12/09 11:23 PM
Subject: A million things

Interesting. What exactly does a terrible nap look like? Do you kick and twist? Do you snore? Do you fidget and get up and lie back down every five minutes? Are you also a terrible snuggler? spooner?

And I agree that Miette offers many things worth coveting, including their cupcakes. I certainly wouldn’t kick them out of bed for eating crackers.

And I completely understand enjoying the sun. It is hard to resist, so I have been doing the same. Unfortunately, I’m headed out of town for a week or so, so perhaps we can figure something out next weekend or the week following?

I just noticed that he sent his email 12 hours after I sent mine. Odd.

Date: 4/13/09 9:44 PM
Subject: A million things

A terrible nap is more like a thwarted nap. When you lie down and think of all those studies that say you’ll awake the most rested if you only sleep for 40 minutes, so you set your alarm for an hour, knowing it takes a while for you to fall asleep. Then you toss and turn for 55 minutes before finally falling asleep, only to be woken by your alarm 5 minutes later. I shudder thinking about it. I think that’s why I love it so much when I can actually nap. I need to block off a whole afternoon, and then, I only ever actually fall asleep if I’ve done a really long run in the morning. That actually might be enough incentive to get me to do more long runs…

Aren’t you glad you asked? ;)

Let’s chat when you get back in town. I should be in town this weekend and next week.

He wrote back:

Date: 4/19/09 9:13 AM
Subject: A million things

Hey!

I’m very glad I asked! That’s a great answer, although that counsels for more napping, not less. :)

Wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that my week has gotten a bit crazy. It’s the end of the semester and a lot of last minute things are landing on my plate (students wanting to meet to talk about projects, papers, graduating, etc.), so let me sort it out and be in touch about possible plans!

Even though he was putting it off, I did really appreciate that he let me know what was going on (and also reiterated that he’d like to hang out). I wrote back:

Date: 4/19/09 11:55 AM
Subject: A million things

Hi, J–

Thanks for writing. No worries at all. My schedule’s been a bit crazy, too. (I’m playing for a friend’s wedding next weekend, and I can barely eek out a night to practice.)

Good luck with the end of semester craziness.

Talk soon,
N

No response. Now that I reread my email, I wonder if the tone came off as brusque. I also didn’t really return his reiteration of the “let’s hang out” theme. Maybe I should email him again? Is that pathetic? I don’t want to be like this guy, but then again, what do I have to lose?