My coworker A. and I were talking the other day about how frustrating it is that guys in San Francisco seem to be in this state of arrested development. They can have kids whenever they want, and when they decide that’s what they want, they can always date someone younger. So, they get a free pass until…mid-30s? 40s? 50s? After dating guys her own age who just wouldn’t deal with their lives, she’s dating someone about eight years older. “He’s a man,” she said. He plans things, he takes responsibility, he’s got his act together. Yay for A.!

A. said that her guy friends started to feel the urge to get serious around age 33. My friend R.’s roommate said something similar. When he was younger, he said that even if he was with the right girl, he wouldn’t marry her. Now, at age 33, he feels that if he meets a good girl, he has to marry her because he’s running out of time. A’s friends don’t seem to hear any clocks ticking. They prefer not to date girls in their mid-30s because women at that age could be in a rush to get married, and they don’t want to be rushed.

I do suspect that this is one reason why I don’t get more responses on Match. At 35, I’m at the age where some guys think I want to get married right away. They don’t want the pressure, so they don’t write back. I understand, but it feels deeply unfair. I’m a good person. I’m smart. I’m cool. I’m in a band, for god’s sakes! I do want to get married and have kids, but not immediately.

Years ago, my now 41-year-old brother said that he wanted to be like our dad: he wanted to marry a hot, younger chick. And, oddly enough, a few years ago, he fell in love with a hot, younger chick who’s perfect for him, and he’s marrying her next year. She’s my age.

I don’t want to be like our parents. My dad was almost 50 when they had me (my mom was almost 40), and there is a serious generation gap between us. That’s one reason why it’s frustrating to me that so many of the guys contacting me are significantly older. I was talking about this to Sterling, of the Bros Roundtable, and he said, “To be fair, aren’t you doing exactly what you’re accusing guys of? You’re ruling these guys out because they’re too old.”

He’s right, of course. But why is it so damn hard to date someone my own age?