Each partner has the potential to bring out different parts of us. Some of those parts may overlap from partner to partner. I guess I’m saying that just because a relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that you have an unhealthy pattern/habit in relationships. It’s natural for us to analyze our behaviors in ended relationships and wonder if you did this, this and this differently would it have been better? But sometimes I like to get all simplistic about this kind of stuff and think that it’s a chemistry/instinct/human nature kinda thing: Whoops, that person doesn’t work for me. Now I’m gonna try the next dude in line. I’m analytical too, though, so this often doesn’t work for me. But it give me some solace.

I’m thinking about “Go Dog Go” right now. Wow, I bet that makes you give this post like 10x more credit! I’m thinking about the meetings between the 2 dogs throughout the book: “Do you like my hat?” “No, I do not like your hat!” This sort of exchange happens throughout the book until the end when, finally, the dog likes the other dog’s hat. Phew!! And that’s how relationships happen. They just happen. The hats are mutually admired. Boom.

I’ve found counseling really helpful in breaking relationship patterns, too.

My dad sounds similar to yours, and I’ve dated him, too. Most recently, I discovered that a guy I was dating (who’s more socially adept and less self-centered than my dad, but similar in other worrying ways) had the same grad-school advisor as my dad! My dad was one of the professor’s first students, and my date was one of his last, decades later. When the date-guy recognized my last name, he said “Hang on!” and ran to his basement file cabinet to dig up some papers my dad wrote. Eeery!

I seem to be drawn to intellectually confident guys who aren’t necessarily as socially mature and respectful as I want. My concern is that I don’t tend to notice the guys who would be better for me, and sometimes the emotionally open guys who don’t wear their confidence (arrogance?) on their sleeves seem weak or passive to me. I think I’m doing better at all of this, but I know what you mean about getting gun-shy from having made the same mistake more than once.

Kudos for getting your therapist’s vote of confidence!