05.16.08
When Is It OK to Take Care of Him When He’s Sick?
So, I’ve had a second email, and first date (according to my method of counting for the purposes of this blog: 1 new person + at least 1 date = 1 of the 20 dates). But I’ll get to that later.
First, the question that’s been on my mind this week:
At what point in a relationship is it OK, or at least not weird, to help a guy out when he’s sick?
I’ve been out with this guy, let’s call him P., three times. We totally hit it off. After our second date, he came down with a cold that has had him absolutely knocked out for almost a week now. Still, when he was feeling better one evening, we went out for dinner. That was, apparently, but a brief respite. By the end of the evening, he was heading home, tissue in hand and Halls cough drops and Sudafed ready to be popped into his mouth probably as soon as he heard me lock the deadbolt.
So my question is, do I bring over chicken soup and orange juice? On the one hand, it could be a sweet thing to do (if I was sick for a week, I’d really appreciate a small, thoughtful gesture like that), but on the other hand, we’ve only been hanging out for a week — it’s almost to early to call it dating. There’s something that seems a little weird about it. It seems strange not to do anything, but I also realize that in relationships, I tend to bend over backwards trying to help guys when it’s ambiguous whether they actually want to be helped or not. After all, many guys have trouble accepting help, so it could be really uncomfortable to force assistance on him this early in the game.
My friend Prentice bought me a copy of “The Rules,” which she’s giving to me tomorrow. I’d imagine that book would say no to the chicken soup. I’ll probably do no chicken soup.
Nicole said,
May 20, 2008 at 11:06 am
Update: I mentioned this dilemma (in abbreviated form) to my friend Shawn. His response:
“I would want her to come over and bring me soup and take care of me, and then I’d kiss her and get her sick, and then I’d be able to take care of HER.”
I mentioned that my offers to help had been declined, and he said, “Oh, he probably just didn’t want you to see him sick.”
Pemo Theodore said,
May 26, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Check out this funny video called Man Cold on YouTube – hysterical!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6EElqrgk4N0
Can’t find your RSS feed?
Pemo
David said,
August 23, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Could we be over analyzing this one? I mean isnt it quite simple, he’s sick and doesnt feel very good. Would he want someone-ANYONE to wish him to feel better? Of course! How about some food, chicken soup, or just a simple text that says,” Hope you feel better, let me know if I can do anything for you.” ? SURE! Why not.
Okay, so you dont know him THAT well, right? So dont just show up and blow his nose for him and do all that stuff. But hey, nothing feels better than to know someone actually is thinking about you and hopes that you feel better. You dont have to go overboard. Keep it simple. Its amazing how women forget that men actually like a woman who’s caring, and actually articulates that. Wouldn’t you? Men have feelings too ya know. ;)
Nicole said,
August 23, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Thanks for your thoughts, David, but I think you kind of missed the point of the post. It’s admittedly a silly problem — actually, it would be overstating things to call it a problem.
It’s more about what you do during that gray area, when you’ve seen each other a few times, but you’re not officially boyfriend/girlfriend. If it’s serious, you know him well enough to know what to do. A lot of women I know have the tendency to rush the relationship forward, to go over and help him and make him chicken soup and fuss over him. But maybe he doesn’t actually want the girl to see him weak and sniffly. Maybe he wants to be sick out of the girl’s sight, because he’s still in wooing mode: he, understandably, wants to put his best foot forward (as does the woman). Sneezing and hacking all over the object of his affections might not be the way to do it, and forcing him into that situation puts him in an uncomfortable place. Despite the good intentions, the actions are all wrong.
But since I’d only been on three dates with him, I didn’t know what’d he’d prefer. So I offered to bring soup and OJ, and he said, “No thanks.” Did you really think I’d just let him be sick without any expression of sympathy? But I totally agree with you there, THAT would be cold.
Nicole said,
August 23, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Pemo, I just watched that video, finally. Hilarious! And thanks for the reminder about the RSS feed. It’s up there now.