04.02.08
Email #1: Bad Timing for the Art Show
Joe’s posting on Craiglist was kind of charming. New to town, he was looking for someone to take to an art show. It was also a bit confusing: it seemed like he was looking for someone to walk in with and that they would then be free to scope out the scene.
Still, I thought the honesty was refreshing — after all, what he was asking for was someone to hang out with, which seems reasonable, while leaving other options open. It helped that his post was totally devoid of any sliminess.
Unfortunately, I saw his post after the fact. But I emailed him anyway.
My email:
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2008 16:42:43 (PST)
Subject: Did you find a date to the show?Hi, Joe–
I saw your posting on Craigslist, and even though the wine tasting/art show thing was last night, I thought I’d send you an email and say hello. I liked how honest and low-key you were in your post.
I’m 34, editor by day, musician by night, a bit crafty (in the knitting kind of way, not in the Run DMC kind of way), smart, goofy, and a bit of a smart-ass — especially once I know what I can joke with someone about. I have a lot of great friends, but I’m looking to get to know some new people and get out of my comfort zone a bit.
If you want to get coffee, a drink, or a glass of wine sometime, send me an email. I attached a goofy self-portrait so you know what I look like.
Hope you had a good time at the show.
Take care,
Nicole
His response:
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2008 20:02:05 (PST)
Subject: Re: Did you find a date to the show?Hey Nicole. Thanks for the note. I did find someone to go. It was fun. Definitely a good way to meet SF singles. The girl I went with actually met a guy from her home town and was excited she went. The art was good too. Anyway.. I have some visitors in town for the next four days, then I head out of town for a couple week vacation, so, just wanted to say Hi. Maybe when I get back we can say Hello. What kind of music do you play? See ya. — Joe
And from me:
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:49:53 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: Did you find a date to the show?Hey, Joe–
Let me know when you get back in town. Where are you headed for vacation?
I’m always amazed at how small San Francisco can be — you can just be walking along and boom, there’s your prom date from high school or someone you went to college with. Glad you had a good time at the show.
I play in a bluegrass band and an alt-country band. The girls in my bluegrass band (it’s all-chick) have been friends for ages — and we’ve been playing together for almost four years. The alt-country band is newer, but I play electric guitar with them. After playing acoustic music for so long, it’s soooo fun to be able to rock out.
Hope you’re having a good time with your guests.
Take care,
Nicole
No response. I even played it safe by referring to my country band as an alt-country band. Oh well. One down, 99 to go!
alix said,
April 7, 2008 at 2:28 pm
nice work, nicole. clearly, joe just doesn’t get it.
Nicole said,
April 29, 2008 at 8:26 am
It was just bad timing. He didn’t seem like a bad person, just not interested enough to bother pursuing anything. I can identify with that.
David said,
August 23, 2008 at 2:05 pm
“If You Can’t Remember My Name, You Don’t Deserve a Call Back”
Hey Nicole, do you always try to keep track of all the mistakes men do with you? Do u always have to keep track of score? Im just trying to understand. I mean, by all means if that works for you go right ahead. But its just that your dealing with males, and guess what. Were going to make a lot of mistakes.
What you focus on, is what gets amplified in your mind. You’ll miss out on everything else. After a while, your going to completely miss out on someone who could be really incredible. What about the things he did right? Did he seem like a good guy? Good guys can make mistakes. Bad guys can be perfectly smooth, follow all the social rules and they could be the worse guy for you. So if its a score, then the best PLAYER is going to win. Not the best guy. Think about it. When you realize that someone is perfect with all their imperfections-THEN you got something.
Nicole said,
August 23, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Wow. That certainly struck a chord with you, didn’t it?
(For those of you just tuning in, I believe David’s comments refer to this post, not the one above.)
I don’t think it’s really overreacting to pass on an opportunity to get together with someone after they:
a) didn’t bother to learn your name
b) are making it fairly obvious through several ways (body language, the way they talk to you, the way they look at your chest and not your eyes) that they’re only interested in sex. Assuming, of course, that you’re not interested in that, which I wasn’t.
As for criticizing my desire to chronicle the events that happen in my dating life, well, that’s kind of the whole conceit of this blog: a systematic look at dating adventures and misadventures.
I think this post, in particular, is a good example of my general attitude towards it all. Sometimes you meet a nice guy, but it just doesn’t work out. Things continue to not work out until they finally do. No hard feelings. But if you look at the mistakes that you make along the way, you can learn more about yourself and, ideally, be better prepared when the right person comes along. As they say, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.